


Sit back and watch the bed burn

by SamWhity



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Character Study, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 11:37:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14715290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamWhity/pseuds/SamWhity
Summary: Just while the older one was turning to face her, their lips crashed. It was unexpected, messy and awkward but they couldn't let go. They spent a couple of minutes like that, looking at each other, connected by the lips and afraid to ruin the strange magic of such a precious moment.Or: Miz Cracker checks on Aquaria after filming and end up taking big life decisions.





	Sit back and watch the bed burn

**Author's Note:**

> I originally planned to write this story following the timeline of my other oneshots but the plot somehow changed while I was writing it and this is the final result. I hope you'll enjoy it. :)  
> The title comes from yet another song by Florence + The Machine: "Kiss with a fist"

“Have you guys heard from Aquaria?”.

Yuhua's question broke an otherwise comfortable silence, while the queen, Monét, Miz Cracker, Dusty and her husband were having brunch. Monét took a spoonful of guacamole and put it on her gluten-free toast, before answering.

“I tried to call her yesterday but she hasn't answered or called me back”, she said, before frowning and adding: “Do you guys think she's not okay?”.

Dusty's husband took a sip of his Mimosa, before sighing.

“You haven't heard it from me”, he started, causing the others to look at him perplexed, “but it seems that she's not doing well, after the last days of filming. Susanne is kinda worried, actually. You know, Aquaria is like the baby of them all...” he finished his sentence with a snort.

Miz Cracker sighed, before setting her fork down and taking a sip of her coffee.

“I'll ask Katelyn”, she claimed.

Her relationship with Aquaria was a delicate balance of affection, admiration and shade she sometimes still struggled to understand: knowing the younger one wasn't feeling well and decided not to call her made her heart clench in an unexpected way.

They ate their food in silence, before Yuhua asked: “Should we check on her?”.

Dusty nodded, before adding: “Maybe we should”.

Monét took a piece of fruit, before mumbling: “It's maybe best if we ask Katelyn to call her or whatever. We all know how defensive she can get”.

Despite her cocky attitude, everyone who knew Aquaria well enough was aware of her deep insecurities and of all the, sometimes unhealthy, ways she tried to cope with them. The young queen used to hang out with loud personalities and motherly figures in order to feel safe enough to be herself and, when put under a certain amount of pressure, she tended to push people out of her life. After coming back from filming, she immediately started working again and managed to always find an excuse when invited to meet up with the rest of her NYC season sisters. They all got to see her new photos, they heard all about her wonderful performances but they never got to see her for long enough to have an actual conversation with her. Only Monét, being her loving and bubbly self, managed to exchange a couple of words with her young friend, during a Frankie Sharp event, and all the other one said, before running away, was: “I know, I'm sorry. I actually have to go”.

Without a word, Cracker took her phone and typed a message to her best friend, before putting the device away and sipping on her coffee.

“And now we wait”, she sighed.

**Miz Cracker, 11:30 am:** Have you heard from Aquaria? Could you please check on her?

Katelyn's answer came a couple of minutes later.

**Katelyn, 11:33 am:** I tried to call and got a message saying she's not feeling 100%. Maybe flu.

A second message was sent right after the first.

**Katelyn, 11:34 am:** I don't buy it. I can stop by, bringing soup or whatever.

“Katelyn is stopping by. I'll keep you posted”, Cracker said, before turning to Monét in desperate need of a change of subject: “Now, how was the show yesterday?”.

 

Katelyn came back home soon after Cracker, carrying a plastic bag with a couple of now empty Tupperware containers. The girl seemed tired and worried, much to the other one's despair.

“What happened?”, asked the queen, as soon as her best friend sat on the couch with her.

The blonde shrugged, before answering: “So, I stopped by with soup and stuff, right?”.

Miz Cracker nodded, waiting to hear the rest of the story.

“Aquaria looked tired, she said it was the flu but... “she suddenly stopped, trying to find the right words, before finishing her sentence: “I don't know. I'm not totally sold. I think it has to do with the show and her anxiety. She said something to me...”.

“What? What did she say?” the queen asked, interrupting her friend.

“She said something about disappointing the people she loves and feeling bad about things” Katelyn tried to recall.

“Things?” Cracker asked, hesitant and somehow worried.

The other one shrugged, before adding: “Maybe you should go. Or Monét. Just don't send Yuhua! She's sweet and lovely and stuff but...”.

“Yeah, definitely not Yuhua” Miz Cracker agreed, before smiling softly and adding: “Thanks for stepping in, Kat”.

Katelyn smiled back, before murmuring: “You know I love her, we all do. Some more than others”, she teased, before getting up and asking: “How about a cup of tea?”.

 

The following day, Miz Cracker wrote a quick message to Aquaria letting her know she would have stopped by to check on her. Needles to say, the other one didn't seem thrilled about it.

**Aquaria, 10:47 am:** It's not necessary. It's just some stupid flu.

The queen rolled her eyes, before typing a quick answer.

**Miz Cracker, 10:47 am:** Already on my way :D

She put her phone away, before taking her keys and exiting the building.

Her phone buzzed.

**Aquaria, 10:48 am:** I don't want you to get sick! It's maybe better if we postpone...

Cracker sighed, before typing an answer.

**Miz Cracker, 10:49 am:** Nonsense! I'll see you in a few :D

She made her way to the subway station: the train was arriving in the exact moment when she reached the platform, she noticed. She mindlessly put her headphones on and started listening to some music.

Just like she expected,after unlocking her phone the queen found a series of messages from a certain other drag queen.

**Aquaria, 10:53 am:** I don't mean to be rude but can we please postpone? Not feeling well :(

**Aquaria, 10:53 am:** Pleeeeease

**Aquaria, 10:54 am:** Are you purposefully ignoring me?

**Aquaria, 10:54 am:** Stop ignoring me, you hoe!

**Aquaria, 10:55 am:** I just got out of bed and look like crap. Please, let's postpone

**Aquaria, 10:55 am:** Cracker, let's meet with the others at the end of the week.. it'll be fun, the NYC girls all together ;)

**Aquaria, 10:56 am:** I feel like you're purposefully ignoring me and I don't like it

**Aquaria, 10:57 am:** Crackeeeeer!

Miz Cracker chuckled, before sliding the phone in her pocket and exiting the train. It was a short walk to Aquaria's apartment and the queen spent it listening to an old mix she never got to lip sync to. She rang the bell, waiting to be let in.

“Yes?” Aquaria's voice was low and a little raspy.

“It's me. Let me in, pretty please?” the other one asked, before adding: “Or I'll send Yuhua to check on you”.

Needles to say, she was immediately let in.

“ _I love the power of those threats_ ” she thought, pretty pleased with herself.

Cracker made her way to the elevator, pressed the button for the 23th floor and waited for the doors to close. She istinctively checked her reflection into the mirror, before sighing and mumbling: “It's not about it, stupid”.

The doors opened with a “ding” and the queen quickly exited, before turning to the left directed to Aquaria's apartment. She knocked, before hearing a muffled “It's open”.

The place was cluttered but not as chaotic as one would have thought, Miz Cracker noticed. Before she could inspect any further, she was greeted by the other one.

“You shouldn't have come”, she sighed, “What if you catch something?”

Without answering the question, the older one made her way to the sofa in the living room and patted the spot next to her.

“Come sit with me”, she said with a smile.

Aquaria sat next to her friend, looking at her nails like they were holding the secret of life itself.

“How are you feeling?”.

Cracker's question let her lips before she could even realize it, so she just added: “I mean, for real. How are you really feeling?”.

The other one joined her on the couch, before sighing.

“I'm just tired, and sick and...” she couldn't finish her sentence, interrupted by the older one's voice singsonging a teasing “Cranky?”.

Aquaria scoffed, crossing her arms and pouting adorably.

“I'm not cranky”, she mumbled.

Miz Cracker smiled, before passing an arm around the younger one's shoulders and engulfing her in a slightly awkward embrace. They remained in silence for a couple of minutes, each one lost in their thoughts, before Aquaria started talking.

“Do you ever think about how they are editing everything?” she asked, before bringing her hand to her mouth and starting to chew on her nails.

The other one took her hand in hers and sighed.

“Stop, you'll bleed all over and nail glue burns”, she started, before tightening her grip, “You don't have power on whatever they will decide to play, Aquaria. You can't spend the rest of your life in this cluttered cave just because of something you can't control”.

Aquaria pouted adorably, before muttering: “I'm actually sick, you dumb. And it's not cluttered!”.

Cracker smiled, before continuing to speak: “Listen, you had a great run. Sure, you had your moments but you did good. And you should be proud of yourself, instead of stressing out about things you have no control over”.

The other one nodded, before snuggling into Miz's embrace and sighing, unable to hold her tongue any longer.

“What if I fucked up? Sharon will be so mad...”.

Aquaria's relationship with her drag mother was a sensible topic. Everybody knew it. Sharon was the younger one's role model, inspiration and often even confidant: the pressure of making her proud sometimes kept her drag daughter from taking certain risks or trying certain things and it seemed like neither of them was aware of it. It was a delicate balance made of late phone calls, Skype hangouts and occasional meetings and Cracker couldn't help but ask herself why Sharon hadn't already called to check on her. Maybe she had, she thought, maybe the young queen just ignored her calls.

“Why don't you call her?” the older one asked “I can wait here, if you want” she then offered.

“Would you really stay?” the surprise in Aquaria's voice made the other queen smile.

“Of course”, she nodded.

With a sigh Aquaria got up and went to grab her phone, before sitting back on the sofa and biting her lips.

“Here we go”.

“Pumpkin! Are you okay? What happened?” Sharon's voice shifted from excitement to worry in a matter of seconds, “Giovanni, talk to me”.

Cracker couldn't hide a smile: typical Aquaria. The thought that she couldn't open up even to her mentor made her feel a little bit better.

“I got home from filming”, the younger one's voice broke the silence “I'm... I'm kinda...” she reached for the other one's hand and squeezed it without even realizing it “I'm kinda freaking out” she then admitted, chewing on her lower lip.

Sharon sighed, before speaking.

“Listen”, she said “You can't expect for everybody to like you or what you'll put out there, it just doesn't work like that. Just remember that you did your best, I know you did. And that we have your back. I mean, I'm an old alcoholic drag-queen but no one will come for my baby on my watch” she said, before yawning “Pumpkin I actually have to go. Skype later this evening?”.

Aquaria nodded, before answering: “Yeah, sure. Thanks for answering”.

The other one scoffed.

“Of course, you dummy! I'll talk to you later, okay?”.

After finishing the phone call, the younger one snuggled back in that awkward but somehow comforting embrace and sighed.

“See? Everything is going to be fine. No need to segregate yourself”, Cracker smiled, before adding: “And now shower, miss thing! We're going out!”.

The other one nodded, before reaching to hug Cracker one last time. Just while the older one was turning to face her, their lips crashed. It was unexpected, messy and awkward but they couldn't let go. They spent a couple of minutes like that, looking at each other, connected by the lips and afraid to ruin the strange magic of such a precious moment.

The older one moved slightly and, before Aquaria could even think about what to say, she said: “Go take your shower, okay?”.

There was an affectionate softness in her voice that made Aquaria nod and got up without a word.

Alone in the room, Cracker sighed.

“Shit” she murmured, before taking her phone and ignoring the message from her boyfriend just to quickly write to Katelyn.

**Miz Cracker, 11:58 am:** I think I like her. A lot. Shit. Talk to you when I get back.

 

That same evening, after a long chat with Katelyn, just before he was heading to bed, Cracker found a message on her phone.

**Sharon Needles, 11:37 pm:** I don't know what is going on between you and Aquaria. I actually don't even know if there actually is something going on but still... thank you. She's all over the place, right now. Having someone to lean on that isn't a dumb club-kid with ego problems is a good thing for her.

A second text quickly followed the first one.

**Sharon Needles, 11:41 pm:** Having said that, hurt my baby and you'll be dead in a ditch.

She smiled, before opening another conversation and typing a message.

**Miz Cracker, 11:43 pm:** I think we need to talk.

The answer came in pretty quickly.

**Jason, 11:45 pm:** Are you okay? What happened?

The queen sighed, before receiving a second text, this time from someone else.

**Aquaria, 11:46 pm:** Thanks for stopping by and putting up with my dumb self. I'm sorry for what happened, I didn't mean to, I know you have a boyfriend and stuff. Please don't be mad at me, or at yourself. Please don't be mad at yourself, Maxwell. I promise I'll keep my distance and stuff, okay? Just please don't be mad.

“Shit”, he mumbled, before abandoning the idea of going to sleep and sitting on the couch with her phone in her hands. She somehow had to sort that mess out.

**Miz Cracker, 11:47 pm:** I'm not mad. I just need to process everything. But I'm not mad and I don't want you to keep any kind of distance. Please don't keep your distance. I'll see you soon, okay? I kinda feel like we have to talk.

**Miz Cracker, 11:48 pm:** I think we need to talk. Something happened and I would really much love to talk to you in person. Please don't freak out.

**Aquaria, 11:48 pm:** Okay. I'll wait for you.

Cracker smiled, before noticing another string of texts.

**Jason, 11:48 pm:** Now I am freaking out.

**Jason, 11:49 pm:** Can't you just tell me what happened?

**Jason, 11:50 pm:** Baby, are you okay?

**Jason, 11:50 pm:** I feel like I need to come over. Can I stop by?

Cracker sighed, before answering.

**Miz Cracker, 11:51 pm:** Okay. Please bring coffee.

It was definitely going to be a long night.

 

Jason left after two hours of recriminations, screaming and tears. Words like “how could you?” and “it's all so fucked up!” were also said and the man left the apartment just in time for the neighbours to say: “Do you actually know that people are sleeping? Have some respect!” and them being greeted with a grunt that sounded a lot like “Fuck you”.

Needless to say, Miz Cracker was exhausted and sad. In the year they had dated it never occurred to her that she could have been the one ending things. Not because she couldn't stop herself for falling for someone younger than her and so incredibly endearing without even knowing it. Not because she kissed Aquaria and suddenly realized there was so much more to their relationship that just admiration. Funnily enough, she was the last one to realize the actual nature of her feelings and even her room-mate, a big supporter of Jason, smiled sadly and nodded when she brought up the fact that she was thinking about breaking up with him.

“It was the honest thing to do”, she mumbled to herself, before turning to Katelyn and smiling apologetically: “Sorry again for the noise, Katelyn”.

The other one shrugged, before hugging her tightly and patting her back.

“It's okay. Do you want to talk about it?”, she asked, “It looks like we won't be able to catch much sleep anyway”.

Cracker sighed.

“Not really. I kinda need to figure shit out. You should go to sleep, I need to make a call” she then moved to her room and closed the door.

Aquaria answered immediately.

“Are you okay?” she asked concerned, before mumbling: “Of course you're not okay. Stupid question. I'm so sorry, I really am”.

The other one sighed, before deciding to bite the bullet.

“I need you to be honest with me. No bullshit.” she said, then added: “I broke up with Jason. I did it because I like you and I couldn't be with him and still like you the way I do.”

“Okay” the younger one murmured.

“I feel like you like me too, and we both know what I mean with that” Cracker continued, not even noticing that she was raising her voice.

“I do”, Aquaria's, on the contrary, lowered her voice.

“I know that you're scared. Because of the show, because of this, because of things. I know it and I get it” Miz Cracker closed her eyes, before sighing and mumbling: “And I am too, but I thought... maybe we could be scared together?”.

Aquaria, laying in bed in her allegedly cluttered apartment, smiled. This was the Cracker she loved: this kind, humble and frankly adorable human being who was willing to trust her enough to share her fears with her. Maybe, she thought, they could make it work. Maybe they could really be scared together.

“I have a photo-shoot tomorrow. In front of the MET. Wanna meet up after that?” she asked softly, before adding: “I kinda feel like I want to tell you this in person...”.

“Tell me what?” the other one asked, slightly panicking.

“That I would love to be scared together with you. Because I like you a lot and...”.

Aquaria's awkward speech was cut short by Miz Cracker.

“I'll be there”, she said, before noticing how late it was and continuing: “Now go to bed, Aqua. We'll talk later, okay?”.

A couple of minutes later, just when she thought she was finally falling asleep, the older one got a last message with an audio attached and, after listening to the track and reading the note, she couldn't stop smiling.

**Aquaria, 01:43 am:** My mum used to listen to this song on repeat, when I was a kid. It says “because you're special and I'll take care of you”. Consider it your lullaby for the night. Yes, I'm dumb and corny and you can still run away from it.

**Aquaria, 01:44 am:** Please don't run away, though.

She quickly typed an answer, before finally closing her eyes and falling asleep.

**Miz Cracker, 01:44 am:** I'm not going anywhere except to sleep. Goodnight, Giovanni.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Susanne is obviously Susanne Bartsch, club owner extraordinaire and creator of thos amazing lashes we all saw Aquaria, Milk and Hungry wearing. Here you can take a look at her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bartschland/  
> Also: I absolutely adore Yuhua but I needed someone to poke a little fun at and she was like the perfect (little) candidate. No bashing intended.   
> The song Aquaria sends Cracker is an italian song called “La cura” by an incredible song-writer called Franco Battiato. It's really beautiful and you can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLJp-YJeuzc


End file.
